Ask The Sexpert: Just How Can Lesbians Have Safer Intercourse?

Ask The Sexpert: Just How Can Lesbians Have Safer Intercourse?

Newsflash: you should be condoms that are using. Yes, CONDOMS.

Recently, I’ve been seeing lot of various wellness resources and community leaders speak about exactly how lesbians don’t need condoms at all inside their intercourse methods. And also this concept genuinely perplexes me personally! Each and every time it is read by me someplace, we pause and think huh? Where did these individuals manage to get thier safer intercourse information from?

That is an integral part of a larger societal issue for the reason that lesbian buying a woman, queer and bi ladies are frequently put aside within the discussion about intimate health and STIs. It is as if individuals genuinely believe that STIs only result from penises and that lesbian, queer and women that are bisexual ever have actually penises.

Information flash: STIs could be offered in a lot of ways that are different. Through epidermis to epidermis contact. From rectal intercourse. From dental intercourse. From sharing adult sex toys. More or less any type of sex that you’re having, it is most most likely that STIs can possibly be handed down, from one individual to another. It is also essential to keep in mind that lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies sometimes have actually penises. Or often we utilize dildos during intercourse. As well as for both a vibrator and a penis, condoms can be utilized being a barrier way to reduce the likelihood of STIs being passed away.

In de-stigmatizing STIs, it is crucial to notice it’s maybe not the termination of the whole world in the event that you test positive for the STI. Your lifetime along with your sex-life aren’t over. When we are able to have use of this type of safer intercourse information, then we could all develop and discover together—and have significantly more enjoyable intercourse!

We’ve currently talked about various barrier practices that lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies may use when making love with one another. And yes, condoms are a part of those choices. You should use condoms being a barrier whenever having a penis in vagina or when having rectal intercourse, when you’re employing a intercourse toy or dildo, and you may additionally cut a condom down the center (with scissors) if you want a dental dam for analingus or oral sex. They don’t need condoms to practice safer sex, we are perpetuating this myth that our sex is intrinsically safe from any STIs being shared when we tell women who sleep with other women that.

Numerous of my lesbian, queer and friends that are bisexual laugh regarding how they don’t training safer intercourse. We hear queer females make jokes about dental dams and exactly how they not have when utilized them. All this makes me wonder whom within our community do really exercise safer intercourse? And then having in-depth conversations about our sexual health before we f*ck if we aren’t using barrier methods, are we? Are we constantly prioritizing getting tested between our lovers? And not a pap smear (because that does not protect it all), but like obtaining a complete build up?

I don’t say some of this become judgmental, after all.

I’ve already been that woman to laugh about dental dams. I’ve additionally had one evening appears where i did son’t prioritize me personally or my partner’s intimate wellness. But i’d like us to accomplish better. I would like us in order to have genuine, nuanced conversations about our intimate wellness. Since it matters, babes. And I also would like to get previous laughing about dental dams and shrugging down condoms as a choice.

Frequently in this discussion, I have expected well, exactly just what she doesn’t think that’s sexy if I want to use a dental dam but? This fear is indeed widespread that personally i think like countless lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies are also afraid to inquire of their lovers to apply safer intercourse. But without a doubt a girl that is queer, getting dental intercourse through a dental dam is sexy and seems amazing. In reality, anyone it truly changes things for may be the individual providing the oral. It’s a bit that is little of a personal experience, but the one that you may get utilized to! It’s sexy for anyone getting because 1. you’re both prioritizing each other’s health that is sexual which can be hot AF and 2. during my truthful viewpoint, it nevertheless seems enjoyable as f*ck.

In addition discover how hard it could be to carry up the conversation of STIs just before have intercourse, particularly if you’ve never ever had intercourse with this specific individual prior to. The one thing I’ve discovered in my own many years of messily navigating sex and relationships is the fact that whenever I consult with some body concerning the style of intercourse the two of us want and as to what form of obstacles we should make use of— We have wayyyy better sex. Like I’m maybe not saying this because I’m a sex geek. I’m suggesting my truthful girl truth that is queer. Intercourse is much better whenever you speak about desire as well as your figures first.

Let’s break it down.

You and this hookup that is potential know each other’s systems yet. Every solitary individual has their very own desires and ticks and moves, that turn them the f*ck on. And even though you might play a guessing game while you’re making love to determine exactly what

because of this brand new individual, you can alternatively, explore it beforehand. Is not it enjoyable in order to f*ck somebody the method they wish to be f*cked? Then chances are you already know just the go-to spot for them, in which you wish to build as much as and just how to obtain them to be putty in your hand.

With regards to speaing frankly about exactly what obstacles and/or toys you need to make use of while you’re having sex—a great deal of men and women think it is super perhaps not sexy and takes most of the enjoyable from it. But imagine that and now you can’t have an orgasm because you’re so in your head about not speaking up for your needs if you’re having sex but the whole time you’re anxious because you really wanted to use a dental dam but didn’t know how to tell her? That’s no enjoyable for anybody, believe me. You start having sex, then you already know to go for the condom when you use your strap-on or whether she’s cool with fluid bonding or not when you get that conversation out of the way before. They are vital facets of intercourse and we also shouldn’t ignore them.

I’ve research for several of you looking over this at this time. The time that is next having a fresh hookup with somebody, make an effort to integrate some of those conversations just before strike the bedsheets to see just what the outcomes are. We bet you that you’ll have actually some mind-blowing consensual safer sex!

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